No change. That’s what the doctor said. There is no change. It isn’t worse but at the same time it isn’t better, He held up my scans and it was exactly the same. After an extra 3 months of chemotherapy there is no change.
The doctor wasn’t totally bummed, he was happy that it hadn’t spread and he was ready to give out another dose of chemo. There is talk of having a thing implanted into my body to give me a daily dose of chemo. But if that happens I would be bed ridden almost certainly and the chances of living a so-called normal life will go out the window. No more work, no more going to the movies or watching my sunsets. I’m told to do everything in my power to stay positive…

When I heard the news I smiled for the doctor. I went and collected my medication for the week and made an appointment to have more chemo. As soon as I left the hospital I fell apart. I cried like a baby on the side of the road. I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do next. Doctors seem to just want to inject more crap into my body and it just makes me so weak. It makes me not want to get out of bed. It makes me want to run away or crawl under a rock. Life just doesn’t seem like life anymore. My partner keeps buying and reading books to help me deal with cancer. To help me eat well to help my body fight. It’s strange, that with all these people around me I’ve never felt more alone in my life.