Today is not such a good day. One of the first things I was told by my oncologist was that once I start the chemo I would have good days and bad days. Little did he know I was already bordering on bipolar. I must admit there are some good days, but the bad seem to be outweighing the good lately. At first it was the coming to terms with the fact that I had cancer. But it’s not that anymore. The pain is all too constant. It’s hard to walk like a normal person. It’s hard to stand for more than 2 minutes. And today, it’s hard to breath. Its days like this that I hate the most. I start to feel sorry for myself. I beg and plead and ask why me? What have I done to deserve this? People close to me tell me that there isn’t a reason. That I, must learn from this and become stronger. Fuck that! I hear it all the time and anyone who has been through anything slightly traumatic would tell you the same thing… Fuck that! How many times have we all been broken hearted and then told, ‘oh well they weren’t the one for you’ blah blah blah! It doesn’t help the healing process. Finding a rebound does. Now if only I can find a rebound for my cancer!